Eric Cartman Reacts to GM's $6 Billion Stock Repurchase Announcement

Oh My God! $6 Billion Stock Repurchase!

Can you believe it? General Motors is splashing around $6 billion to repurchase their own stocks. That's like spending all the birthday money grandma gave you on more Cheesy Poofs but for the grown ups.

Capital Efficient Just Like My Business Ventures

GM's CFO is all like 'We are very focused on profitability growing our EV business and deploying capital efficiently.' Yeah well I'm very focused on profits too like the time I sold frozen piss sicles to unsuspecting kids at school for profit.

Timeframe for Completion? Whatever Screw You Guys I'm Going Home

Who needs a timeframe for completion anyway? I bet it's like when Cartmanland was opening and everyone just had to wait. Whatever GM you do you. I'm gonna go chill in my own theme park.

All Electric Vehicles? Are They Powered by Farts?

GM has bet big on all electric vehicles but let's be real are they powered by farts like my own personal team ups? Stalling customer demand? They should take a page out of my book and create 'Respect My Authorit EV' cars.