EXCLUSIVE: Alphabet Lays Off Employees in Google's Cloud Unit, CEO Burns through Staff to Maintain Profit Margins

Montgomery Burns Strikes Again

Excellent news my dear readers. Alphabet the parent company of Google is making significant staff cuts in its cloud unit to maintain profit margins much like I do at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.

Go to Market Strategy: Smithers Release the Hounds!

Roles in sales consulting and 'go to market' strategy are being eliminated in a grand display of corporate restructuring. It seems like CEO Burns is on a cost cutting rampage.

Kurian Feeling the Heat?

CEO Thomas Kurian must be feeling the pressure to accelerate growth and stay competitive in the AI sector. It's a dog eat dog world out there much like the corporate battles I face with my nemesis Homer Simpson.

Profit soars Like a Nuclear Reactor

Despite the staff cuts Google Cloud's revenue has jumped 28% proving that sometimes a little downsizing can lead to big profits. Perhaps I should take a few notes from Google's playbook.

Cutting 'Core' Teams: Release the Hounds Again!

In a move reminiscent of cutting 'Core' at the power plant Google has trimmed down key teams and engineering talent. It's a ruthless world out there in the tech industry even more cutthroat than my own office!

Kurian Promises Fewer Layoffs

CEO Kurian promises fewer layoffs in the future much like I promise not to release the hounds on Mondays. Let's see if he sticks to his word.