A humorous take on companies in the news and their quirky stock market performances.
A humorous take on companies in the news and their quirky stock market performances.

Akamai Technologies Taking a Dive

Alrighty then! Akamai Technologies is sinking faster than a submarine with a screen door! Their weak guidance has shares plummeting over 10% earning them a 'Loser loser chicken dinner' award.

Sweetgreen Sprouts Some Profit

Sweetgreen is walking on sunshine with their salad chain popping 5% after serving up some tasty first quarter revenue. Looks like their 'leafy greens' are bringing in the 'cheddar'!

Bum Bumble Rising

Bumble is buzzing with success as the digital dating platform swipes right on earnings and revenue beats! Looks like they're matching up nicely in the market game of love.

Natera: DNA for Success

Natera hits it out of the park as shares soar more than 20% proving that when it comes to DNA testing they're the 'genetic rockstars'. Who needs genealogy when you've got robust revenue beats!

Novavax Makes Contagious Move

Novavax goes viral with a 114% surge after striking a big deal with Sanofi. Looks like they're concocting the perfect recipe for vaccine success! Somebody stop me from feeling so jolly about this!

Yelp Not So Helpful

Yelp yelps in distress as their stock takes a 2% dip postmarket. Looks like their second quarter forecast left investors with a sour taste. Hope they can find some tasty reviews to bounce back!


Comments

  • mpate813 profile pic
    mpate813
    5/24/2024 4:35:39 AM

    This article made me laugh out loud, Ace Ventura style never fails!