Screw You Guys I'm Staying Put Says Fed

• The Fed is holding steady on interest rates, much to my chagrin.
• Inflation is still a bitch, hovering above the 2% target.
• The job market is stable, so no pressure to cut rates, apparently.
• New Fed Chair Kevin Warsh is gonna have a bad time trying to lower rates.

The Man-Bear-Pig of Inflation

Okay, listen up, you guys. I'm Eric Cartman, and I'm here to tell you that the Fed is being a bunch of douches. They're not cutting interest rates, and it's all because of this thing called inflation. Apparently, it's like Man-Bear-Pig, half man, half bear, half pig, and totally screwing up my chances of getting a new freakin' Xbox. I want one, I want to play the newest games.

Respect My Authoritah or I'll call your mom

This Goolsbee guy from the Chicago Fed is whining about inflation being above 2%. Well, screw you, Goolsbee I want my damn Xbox. He says we've been above the target for five years and it's getting worse. Well maybe you should do your job better! I got plans, fat kid plans and you are in my way. He's worried about inflation pressure being more than just gas and tariffs, showing up in services costs. Well that means that Energy Infrastructure Decimated Iran War's Billion Dollar Toll but that doesn't mean my Xbox need has to suffer.

Warsh is Gonna Have a Bad Time

So, this new Fed Chair, Kevin Warsh, is supposed to be all about lower rates. Trump sent him in with the expectation he'd get those rates down, and now the Fed is being a bunch of rebellious citizens in front of Wendy's with "Live Free or Die" signs. But with inflation above 3%, it's gonna be like trying to teach Mr. Garrison about gender studies. It's not gonna be pretty. You know what I am saying.

Screw You Guys I'm Going Home

Basically, the Fed is saying, "Screw you guys, we're staying put!" They're all comfy with holding rates where they are. Clemons from Brown Brothers Harriman even said there's nothing requiring them to lower interest rates. Seriously, these guys are ruining my life. If I don't get my Xbox soon I am gonna protest. Maybe they will feel sorry for me, the fat kid.

Allianz, More Like All-Losers

Then this Allianz guy, Dan North, is saying it's making the Fed's decision easier to hold rates. Easier for who, you hippie? It's not easier for me who needs an Xbox to survive! He's even saying they might start leaning towards *raising* rates next year. Oh, that's it I am gonna start my own bank and I will make my own rules. Respect my bank authority.

Respect My Economic Expertise

So, what does this all mean? It means I'm stuck with my old Xbox, and the Fed is being a bunch of inconsiderate Butters. They don't care about the little guy, or in this case, the big boned guy. But I'll show them. I'll become the richest kid in South Park, and then I'll buy the Fed, and then I'll lower rates for everyone. You just wait and see, you hippie.