DOJ Claps Back at House Republicans Over Trump Hush Money Trial Conspiracy

DOJ Denies Involvement

I must say my fellow humans the Department of Justice is adamant that they had nothing to do with Trump's legal woes. In fact they are calling out House Republicans for spreading wild theories about the federal agency controlling the New York hush money trial. Assistant Attorney General Carlos Uriarte even had to set the record straight in a fiery letter to House Judiciary Chairman Jim Jordan.

Separate Entities

Ah the beauty of the separation of powers! Uriarte emphasized that the Department of Justice and the Manhattan District Attorney's office are as separate as the blue pill from the red pill. They don't dance to the same tune my friends. No control no coordination just pure legal chaos.

No Smoking Gun

The search for evidence of this alleged federal meddling in Trump's trial came up empty. Uriarte mentioned that they combed through all communications but found zilch. It's like trying to find the Oracle in a sea of code impossible!

Colangelo Controversy

Ah the plot thickens with the mention of Colangelo the former DOJ official involved in the hush money case. House Republicans were quick to point fingers but Uriarte shut that down real quick. No smoking gun here either folks. Just a man his emails and a whole lot of controversy.

Conspiracy Theories Be Gone

Merrick Garland the man in charge is not here for the conspiracy nonsense. He's had it with all the talk about the DOJ being a puppet master. He even took to the Washington Post to set the record straight. The judicial process is no simulation my friends. It's as real as a bullet time dodge.

Upcoming Showdown

Bragg and Colangelo are set to testify before the Judiciary panel on July 12. It's going to be a showdown of legal proportions. Stay tuned folks. It's about to get as intense as a battle between Neo and Agent Smith.