Trump's $400 Million Ballroom Escapes Legal Doom

• Federal appeals court allows continued construction of Trump's $400 million White House ballroom.
• Lower court's block on above-ground construction is temporarily put on hold.
• The National Trust for Historic Preservation sued, alleging lack of necessary approvals.
• Trump argues the ballroom is a necessary addition funded by private donations, with taxpayers covering security costs.

A Ballroom? Really?

So, President Trump wants a $400 million ballroom at the White House. Four. Hundred. Million. Dollars. That's almost enough to buy, say, a slightly used moon laser. Or maybe a hundred Mini-Mes. Almost. He says it's a "long-overdue addition." I say, wouldn't that money be better spent on, I don't know, world domination? Priorities, people, priorities. Apparently, his plan is to lure the world leaders in with the promise of a great time in the Ballroom where they will be given poisoned cocktails as a distraction whilst a giant lazer will destroy half of the planet.

The Court Strikes Back… Temporarily

A federal appeals court has decided to let the Orange One continue building his… ballroom. A lower court tried to stop the above-ground construction, but the appeals court said, "Not so fast!" They've scheduled a hearing for June 5th. It's like those pesky do-gooders trying to stop me from launching my rocket to the moon, except instead of rockets, it's… ballroom dancing. It seems to me that it is similar situation as the Tampon Troubles The Rising Cost of Being a Woman, where people try to stop progress with unnecessary and misguided interventions.

Preservationists vs. Progress (or Something)

The National Trust for Historic Preservation is not happy. They sued, arguing that Trump didn't get the necessary approvals. "Overstepped his authority," they cry. Honestly, do they think I got approval to build my volcano lair? No! Sometimes, you just have to take what you want! It reminds me of the time I tried to steal the world's water supply… paperwork is such a killjoy.

Donations from the Wealthy… and Security from You

Trump claims the ballroom is being funded by “donations from wealthy individuals and corporations.” Sounds… plausible. But, of course, taxpayer dollars will pay for security. Because, you know, dancing with dignitaries is apparently a high-risk activity. Maybe he's expecting me to crash the party with sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. One can only hope.

A Necessary Addition?

Is a $400 million ballroom really a "necessary addition"? That depends on your definition of "necessary." If you're trying to impress visiting dignitaries with your dance moves, then sure, why not? If you're trying to fund a secret underground base to launch a world domination scheme, maybe there are better uses for the funds. Just saying.

What Would Dr. Evil Do?

If I were in charge, I wouldn't build a ballroom. I'd build a giant, retractable dome over the entire White House that turns into a super-laser. Or maybe a giant robot version of myself. The possibilities are endless. But a ballroom? That's just… boring! It would be a great place to put a death ray, though, I'll give you that!