Cartman's Eye View Airlines, Booze and China Tech Stocks

• Delta Air Lines earnings kick off airline season, raising baggage fees.
• Constellation Brands earnings are coming, with analysts largely positive on the stock.
• Chinese tech stocks are struggling, except for a few names like JD.com and Meituan.
• Space-related stocks are blasting off amid the Artemis II mission.

Airlines are Soaring... Or Are They

Alright, listen up, you guys. It's Eric Cartman here, and I know more about money than all of you combined. Delta Air Lines, that's DAL to you dummies, is trying to rip us off with higher baggage fees. They say it's because of fuel costs. Fuel costs my ass. They're probably buying more Xboxes for the pilot's lounge. But hey, they're only down 5.5% for the year, which is 'basically flat' since the Iran war started. Good for them I guess.

Booze News is the Best News

Now we're talking. Constellation Brands, the guys who make Corona and Modelo, are reporting earnings. They've been down but are making a comeback so basically, it's all good. Analysts are, like, totally in love with them. I mean who isn't, right? They make beer. Beer is awesome. Speaking of comebacks, check out Tesla's European Sales Nosedive While Chinese EVs Surge. It's way more interesting than electric cars, mostly because electric cars are lame and Teslas are driven by hippies.

Chinee Tech Underwater... Good

Eunice Yoon is interviewing Ray Dalio in Shanghai. Who cares? What does concern me is Chinese tech. Apparently, most of it is doing worse than Kenny McCormick's luck. Except for JD.com and Meituan. Screw those guys. The KraneShares CSI China Internet ETF (KWEB) is down more than 17%. Serves them right for trying to take over the world with their cheap toys and TikTok. Also that COVID thing. I did NOT like that.

Space Stocks? Respect My Authoritah

Alright, the Artemis II mission is a big deal or whatever. But you know what's more important? Making money off of it. Firefly Aerospace, Intuitive Machines, and Redwire are all up. Space is cool and all. It would be nice if those space companies started sending all the hippies that are protesting on Earth to space, that would be great.

Long-Term Wealth? Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home

I'm Eric Cartman, and I've got more important things to do than listen to CNBC's wealth-building crap. Like eating cheesy poofs and plotting against Kyle. So, screw you guys, I'm going home. And don't forget, respect my authoritah. Or else.

Final Thoughts From Cartman

So, to summarize: airlines are ripping you off, beer is good, Chinese tech is failing (hopefully), and space is for nerds. Now, go make me some money, you guys. And don't even THINK about touching my cheesy poofs.