A humorous take on the stock market updates of the day with a sprinkle of Jordan Peterson's wisdom.
A humorous take on the stock market updates of the day with a sprinkle of Jordan Peterson's wisdom.

Broadcom Beats Expectations

Well well well looks like Broadcom is flexing its intellectual muscles. The chipmaker soared 12% after exceeding earnings and revenue estimates for the fiscal second quarter. Adjusted earnings per share at $10.96 and revenue at $12.49 billion. Sounds like they're cleaning their room quite well wouldn't you say?

Jewelers Take a Tumble

On the other hand Signet Jewelers didn't sparkle brightly today. Shares plummeted nearly 15% after reporting mixed earnings results. Looks like consumers have decided to clean up their jewelry collection leaving the jewelers feeling quite chaotic I presume.

Entertainment and Restaurant Chain Misses the Mark

Dave & Buster's stock took a hit after disappointing sales numbers. It seems like their customers didn't find solace in playing games and eating burgers this time around. Sometimes life is a chaotic game of chance isn't it?

Virgin Galactic's Cosmic Dive

Virgin Galactic took a trip to the red planet with a 14% plunge. With board approval for a reverse stock split they're trying to reorganize the stars in their favor. It's like a chaotic dance with the cosmos up there!

Clothing Maker Falls Short

Oxford Industries is experiencing a slight wardrobe malfunction with a 1% stock fall. It seems like their fashion sense didn't quite match up with analyst expectations. Looks like even clothing makers can have a messy room every now and then.

Huggies and Kleenex Maker Sees Uptick

Kimberly Clark is wiping away the tears with a 3% stock increase. It seems Bank of America gave them a pat on the back recognizing the structural changes ahead. It looks like their clean up efforts are paying off.


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