Mark Zuckerberg Roasts Shell's Profit Numbers, Continues Quest for World Domination

Shell's Surprise Profit

So Shell decided to show off their higher than expected first quarter profit huh? Well that's great and all but have they considered investing in the metaverse instead? I hear virtual oil trading is going to be huge.

Wael Sawan's Strong Performance

I gotta hand it to Wael Sawan Shell's CEO for describing these results as 'another quarter of strong operational and financial performance.' I wish I could say the same about the last Facebook outage.

Market Reaction

Investors seem pleased with Shell's numbers with the stock only dropping by 0.1%. Meanwhile my net worth fluctuates more than that every time I blink.

Broader Industry Trend

Looks like Shell is not alone in feeling the pinch in the energy industry. Maybe it's time for them to pivot to renewable energy sources like solar power... or virtual reality oil drilling.

BP's Turn Next

BP is up next to report their earnings. Let's see if they can outshine Shell or if they get stuck in the virtual traffic behind me in the metaverse.

The Quest for World Domination Continues

As I sit here pondering Shell's numbers I can't help but wonder how I can incorporate oil trading and share buybacks into the metaverse. It's all about world domination one algorithm at a time.