Rieder's Risky Ride to the Fed Chair Will You Respect My Authoritah

• Rick Rieder emerges as the frontrunner to succeed Jerome Powell, according to prediction markets.
• Trump's emphasis on loyalty raises questions about Rieder's suitability, dude.
• Analysts debate whether the market is underestimating the chances of Kevin Warsh and Kevin Hassett.
• Rieder's market-oriented background contrasts with traditional PhD economists.

Rieder Leading the Pack But Respect My Authoritah

Alright, listen up, you guys. So, apparently, there's this whole thing with the Federal Reserve chair, and everyone's betting on this dude named Rick Rieder from BlackRock. These websites like Kalshi think he's got a 48% chance, which is way more than that other loser, Kevin Warsh. But whatever, I don't even care. They should just make ME the Fed chair. I'd fix everything. I know more about money than anyone, I'm serious. Screw you guys, I'm going home.

Trump's Loyalty Test Screw You Guys

But here's the freakin' catch, you guys. Apparently, President Trump wants someone who's, like, super loyal. And this Rieder guy? Not so much. Some expert guy named Tobin Marcus (whoever that is) says Trump's all about loyalty, which could screw Rieder over. And those Kevins are still in the running. Speaking of politics, have you seen Japan's Political Earthquake Takaichi Gambles on a Rightward Shift? It's almost as crazy as the crap happening in South Park these days.

The Two Kevins Still Alive I'm Going Home

Yeah, yeah, yeah, everyone's all hyped about Rieder, but these 'experts' keep bringing up these other guys named Kevin Warsh and Kevin Hassett. Like, who cares? They're probably just lame-os anyway. This other dude, Roger Ferguson (another freakin' expert), thinks it's gonna be one of the Kevins. Seriously, this is more boring than a Butters' tea party. I'd make the Fed a real powerhouse. First thing I'd do is raise interest rates on all those stupid parents who don't buy their kids the new Xbox.

Wild Card Alert Damn Hippies

And get this, there's even a chance Trump could pick some random guy nobody's even thinking about. Like, what if he picked, I don't know, Mr. Garrison? Now THAT would be awesome. He could run the economy with his... uh... 'personal' touch. Ah, screw it, I'm hungry. I'm going to get some Cheesy Poofs.

Rieder's Views: Lower Rates? Respect My Authoritah

So, this Rieder guy wants lower interest rates and wants to use the Fed's money to help the economy. Sounds kinda lame, but whatever. He also thinks rates are too high, which is probably true, 'cause my mom's always complaining about the rent. He works for BlackRock, which is like, this super-rich company that runs everything. But he doesn't have a PhD, which is hilarious. Imagine being in charge of the whole freakin' economy and not even having a fancy degree. Stupid hippies.

Fed Independence What What What

Apparently, Rieder also believes in this 'Fed independence' crap, which means he won't just do whatever Trump tells him to do. What what what? I can't believe this. Why wouldn't you do whatever the president says? Trump should just fire everyone and hire a bunch of robots who'll do whatever he wants. Now THAT'S what I call leadership. But whatever, I'm going to go play video games. This whole thing is giving me a headache.