Companies Tanking Like Kenny After a Bus Accident

• MillerKnoll suffers a 14% plunge due to disappointing earnings and Middle East conflict fallout.
• Karman shares dip slightly despite revenue beat, thanks to lower-than-expected earnings per share.
• Worthington Steel experiences a significant 14% drop following a decline in earnings per share.
• Celcuity's loss per share beats expectations, but the stock still sees a nearly 4% decrease.

MillerKnoll Gets Screwed, Respect My Authority

Okay, so MillerKnoll, these furniture people, apparently crapped their pants and their stock tanked 14%. Why? Because they made only 43 cents a share when they shoulda made way more. And get this, they're blaming the Middle East. Said it's gonna cost them like, 8 or 9 million because they can't ship chairs to sand people. Seriously? Blame the Jews, not the sand people. Weak.

Karman's Just Meh, Like Kyle's Mom

Then there's Karman. They're supposed to be all aerospace-y and defense-y, right? Well, they made 11 cents a share, which is less than the 12 cents the nerds expected. But they made more money than the nerds thought they would, so whatever. Still, not good enough. They need to be making way more money so I can get a freakin' pony. Speaking of money problems, it looks like there's some issues that affect the price of oil and thus, everyting, so I'll just add a link to Oil Prices Drop Amidst Trump's Iran Strike Consideration for you to read about it. Now shut your mouth.

Celcuity's a Bunch of Losers

Celcuity, who even names a company Celcuity? These guys are supposed to be doing science stuff, lost 97 cents a share. But, and get this, it was LESS than they were supposed to lose. So, they're still losers, just slightly less loser-y than everyone thought. Who cares? They're probably just a bunch of hippies anyway. They need to just go home.

Worthington Steel's Gone South

Worthington Steel is the biggest loser here. Their stock plummeted 14% after they made only 27 cents a share, down from 35 cents last year. That's like, a HUGE difference. They're probably just a bunch of dumbasses who don't know how to make steel. And now everyone is suffering from their idiocy. I need my Cheesy Poofs, and they are to blame!

So What Does This All Mean? I Need My Cheesy Poofs!

Basically, everyone's screwing up. These companies need to get their act together. I'm trying to run a country here, and I can't do it if everyone's losing money. It's all about the Benjamins, baby, and nobody's making any. These dumbasses should just listen to me, and they'd be rolling in dough. But no, they have to be all stupid and make bad decisions. Now I'm going to get my Cheesy Poofs, because this is just too depressing.

Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home

I've had it with these companies. They're all a bunch of Butters. I'm going home to watch TV and eat Cheesy Poofs. Maybe I'll start my own company, and then I'll show them all how it's done. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'm gonna start Cartman Enterprises and take over the world. Respect my authority.