Tesla's First Quarter Fiasco Cartman Sounds Off

• Tesla's Q1 deliveries missed expectations, leaving investors more disappointed than a trip to Casa Bonita that ends up with you getting sick.
• Elon Musk's obsession with robots and Cybertrucks isn't exactly paying the bills. Auto sales are still where it's at dude.
• Political controversies and the end of EV incentives are kicking Tesla harder than Sheila Broflovski kicks Kyle.
• Rising oil prices due to geopolitical unrest might be a silver lining for used EV sales but even that's as good as it gets.

Tesla's Numbers Are Lame Dude

Okay, so I'm Eric Cartman, and lemme tell you, these numbers are lamer than Pip Pirrup trying to impress Wendy Testaburger. Tesla's Q1 deliveries? They're at 358,023. A pathetic excuse for greatness. Analysts were expecting 370,000. That's like missing your shot with Wendy by miles. And production? 408,386. Seriously? I could do better than that, and I'm just a kid.

Blame Canada and Bad Investments

These numbers are worse than having to team up with Kyle Broflovski. Deliveries are up only 6% from last year. That's like, barely an improvement. And get this, overall for 2025, deliveries fell to 1.64 million from 1.79 million in 2024. What's worse than that, the stock is down almost 20% this year. What's going on? Oh I know, it's because of all of you PC babies. Check out this UK Inflation Calms Nerves - things are going mental out there.

Musk's Robot Fetish

So, Musk, that weirdo, is focusing on Cybertrucks and robots. What a joke. I mean, robots are cool and all, but they don't sell themselves. He's still got to sell cars to pay the bills. It's like he's forgotten what made him cool in the first place. And those Model S and X cars? He's ending production to build stupid robots. What a dumbass. I'm outraged. I need some Cheesy Poofs stat.

The Cybertruck Debacle

The Cybertruck, that stupid-looking thing, hasn't become mainstream. No surprise there. It's uglier than Heidi Turner after she started dressing like me. I'm sure the Semi truck is gonna be just as bad. It's like Musk is trying to build the future with garbage. He needs to get his act together and build stuff people actually want, like a car that serves me Cheesy Poofs on demand. Then again, he probably is being PC and wants everyone else to be happy with a green future. Screw them.

Tesla's Energy Shenanigans

Tesla's energy storage stuff? Whatever. 8.8 gigawatt hours of battery energy storage systems in Q1. Sounds boring. I don't care about Powerwalls or Megapacks. I care about getting my damn Xbox. I'm serious you guys, the world is going to shit.

Political BS and Used EVs

Tesla's sales slump? Blame the PC babies and all those stupid political correctness. No one likes Musk supporting Trump. Even worse, they don't like it when Musk supports Trump. On the bright side (kind of), used EV sales are up. Probably because gas prices are crazy thanks to Iran. So, in conclusion, I hate everything.