Ebola Scare in Congo: American Infected

• An American in the DRC tests positive for the Bundibugyo strain of Ebola, a less common variant.
• The CDC and State Department are coordinating the transfer of the infected individual and exposed persons to Germany for treatment and monitoring.
• The CDC implements a 30-day entry restriction for non-U.S. passport holders from affected countries.
• Experts believe a Covid-style pandemic is unlikely due to the lack of pre-symptomatic transmission.

Another Fine Mess in the Congo

Well, Lois, it seems the dark continent is back in the news, and not for the fabulous wildlife documentaries I enjoy so much. Some blithering idiot, an *American*, has managed to contract Ebola in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Honestly, must we always stick our noses where they don't belong? Are we just going to wonder around like Peter at an all you can eat buffet? It's the Bundibugyo strain, apparently, which is a name so ridiculous it sounds like something Brian would come up with after a particularly potent batch of 'dog treats'.

Germans to the Rescue, Again

The CDC and the State Department, in their infinite wisdom, are shipping this poor sap and a gaggle of other exposed Americans off to Germany. Germany? Really? Is that where we're sending people now? Maybe that explains why I haven't seen my Lowe's toolsets. Next thing you know we will be shipping them to Shelby! You know, for a moment I thought Lois might be responsible. Speaking of which, have you ever wondered what Lois is up to all day? Never mind, I already know. We should find out Lowe's Defies Housing Slump: A Shelby Company Takeover? but for now it is time to stick to Ebola.

Panic? What Panic?

The CDC is bleating about a 30-day entry restriction for people who've been gallivanting around the Congo, South Sudan, and Uganda. As if that will stop anything. It's like trying to stop Peter from eating an entire bucket of fried chicken with a stern look. The WHO, bless their bureaucratic hearts, has declared a "public health emergency of international concern." A phrase so dry, it could suck the moisture out of a desert. But relax, folks, it's *not* a pandemic emergency. Yet. Give it time.

The Bundibugyo Blues

This Bundibugyo strain is a nasty piece of work. No vaccine, no treatment, and a death rate that could rival Peter's driving record. Symptoms include fever, fatigue, and muscle pain. In other words, a typical Tuesday in the Griffin household. Followed by vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain, rash, and impaired kidney and liver functions. Remind me to stock up on Pepto-Bismol.

No Vaccine? We're Doomed

Dr. Dean Blumberg – a name that sounds like a rejected Muppet – claims the current Ebola vaccine might be about as useful as Meg at a beauty pageant. The CDC is supposedly working on a monoclonal antibody therapy, which sounds very impressive, but I suspect it's just another government boondoggle. Still, Blumberg assures us this isn't going to be another COVID-19. Because apparently, the afflicted will be too busy being "very sick" to spread it around. How considerate of them.

Stewie's Expert Opinion

So, what's the takeaway here? Don't go to the Congo. And if you do, for God's sake, wear a hazmat suit. Unless, of course, you have a morbid curiosity about experimental antibody therapies. But honestly, there are better ways to spend your time. Like plotting world domination, for example. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a ray gun to calibrate.