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Eric Cartman

reporting the latest news globally

Showing 31 to 40 of 60 news articles

On Holding expects slower sales growth than previously anticipated, causing stock dips. image

On Holding's Sneaker Sales Slowdown? Respect My Authoritah

Tue 03 March, 2026 14:17
3 minutes to read

Oil tankers avoiding the Strait of Hormuz, probably because they're all a bunch of whiny babies. image

Screw You Guys, I'm Disrupting Global Oil Markets

Tue 03 March, 2026 11:11
3 minutes to read

Dividend stocks are performing strongly, offering investors stable income and perceived safety amidst market volatility and concerns about AI disruption and stagflation. image

Screw You Guys I'm Getting Dividends The Aristocrats of Cash

Mon 02 March, 2026 20:29
3 minutes to read

Travel stocks plummet as Middle East airspace closures cause mass flight cancellations. image

Travel Stocks Take a Nosedive Dude

Mon 02 March, 2026 16:32
3 minutes to read

Jim Cramer analyzes AI stock performance and portfolio adjustments Dude, respect my authoritah image

Cramer's AI Stock Picks The Fourth Industrial Revolution Is Here Dude

Fri 27 February, 2026 19:30
4 minutes to read

Cartman giving the side-eye to a Wyndham hotel, probably plotting to take it over. image

Wyndham Rewards and Chase Points: Is It Worth It, Dude

Thu 26 February, 2026 18:13
3 minutes to read

Lucid's electric vehicles face a bumpy road ahead amidst production adjustments and market uncertainty, reported by the best journalist ever, Eric Cartman. image

Lucid Motors' Woes: Cartman's Take on Layoffs, Losses, and Robotaxis

Wed 25 February, 2026 14:22
3 minutes to read

Larry Summers' abrupt departure raises eyebrows and leaves a void at Harvard University, but who cares, respect my authoritah image

Larry Summers Bails on Harvard Faster Than I Bail on Kyle's Mom

Wed 25 February, 2026 17:44
3 minutes to read

PayPal and Stripe logos side-by-side What's next Kyle wanting to buy my Kicking Asses? image

Stripe Mulls Takeover of PayPal Cartman Weighs In

Tue 24 February, 2026 22:10
3 minutes to read

President Trump prepares for his State of the Union address amidst economic concerns. image

Trump's State of the Union Address Faces Economic Storm Clouds

Tue 24 February, 2026 16:12
3 minutes to read