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Eric Cartman

reporting the latest news globally

Showing 1 to 10 of 60 news articles

An artist's impression of what happens when GPS goes haywire in the Persian Gulf. It's not pretty, you guys. image

GPS Gone Wild Middle East Navigational Nightmare Unfolds

Thu 26 March, 2026 08:01
3 minutes to read

Worthington Steel stock takes a nosedive, probably because they're all a bunch of dumbasses. Respect my authority. image

Companies Tanking Like Kenny After a Bus Accident

Wed 25 March, 2026 21:46
3 minutes to read

Oil tanker traffic halted in the Strait of Hormuz due to escalating tensions and attacks. image

UAE Blames Iran for Economic Terrorism Fueling Global Oil Crisis

Tue 24 March, 2026 14:14
2 minutes to read

Alan Armstrong is about to make the Senate awesome again, according to sources close to my butt. image

Oklahoma Gets New Senator Courtesy of Some Totally Conservative Dude

Tue 24 March, 2026 14:43
3 minutes to read

Claude using a computer, probably doing something more important than you are right now. Respect my authority. image

Screw You Guys, I'm Getting My Own AI Agent

Tue 24 March, 2026 10:03
3 minutes to read

The Supreme Court hears arguments over Mississippi's mail-in ballot law, sparking national debate over voting regulations. Respect my authoritah! image

Supreme Court Justices Grill Mail-In Ballots Mississippi Law Faces Heat

Mon 23 March, 2026 16:54
2 minutes to read

Super Micro Co-Founder Yih-Shyan

Super Micro Co-Founder Busted in AI Chip Smuggling Scheme

Fri 20 March, 2026 22:52
3 minutes to read

Investors are starting to see real estate as a more attractive option amidst stock market volatility and global economic uncertainties. image

Investors Are Backing Up the Truck for Real Estate Deals

Thu 19 March, 2026 12:25
2 minutes to read

Demand for used Macs surges in China as users flock to OpenClaw AI tool image

OpenClaw Craze Fuels Used Mac Boom in China

Thu 19 March, 2026 11:02
2 minutes to read

Asian tech stocks are doing the Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo right now thanks to Iran and Qatar, and I'm loving it. image

Screw You Guys, I'm Shorting Asian Tech Stocks Middle East Chaos Edition

Thu 19 March, 2026 07:08
3 minutes to read