Trump's Tariff Rampage Escalates After Supreme Court Smackdown

• Trump announces an immediate increase in global tariffs to 15%, escalating trade tensions.
• The decision comes after the Supreme Court struck down Trump's previous tariffs implemented under the IEEPA.
• Trump criticizes the Supreme Court's ruling and hints at further tariff measures in the near future.
• Legal experts question the sustainability of these new tariffs under Section 122 of the Trade Act of 1974.

Good News Everyone Trump's Tariff Tantrum Continues

Oh, my yes, it appears that the political machinations of our time continue apace. President Trump, fresh from a scolding by the Supreme Court, has decided to throw a wrench – or perhaps a tariff – into the gears of global trade. Apparently, the old 'reciprocal' tariffs were a bit too reciprocal for someone's taste. As I always say, sometimes science is more art than science, and this, my friends, is performance art of the highest order. It seems that we are about to discover if raising taxes on people that buy things from other countries is a good move.

Supreme Court Slapdown The Injustice Collector Strikes Back

It seems that the Supreme Court, in a moment of collective lucidity, decided that Trump's initial tariff implementation, using the International Emergency Economic Powers Act (IEEPA), was about as legitimate as a three-dollar bill. Frankly, I'm surprised. I always assumed the law was more of a guideline, like the off switch on a particle accelerator. Apparently not! In response, Trump, much like a cornered badger, has invoked Section 122 of the Trade Act of 1974, promising more tariffs. How novel. If you want to check out more on the Supreme Court Decision you can read Trump's Tariff Regime Toppled Supreme Court Delivers Unexpected Blow.

Fifteen Percent of What Exactly

Effective immediately, or so he says, the tariffs are jumping to 15%. Now, I'm no economist – I leave that to the Hermes Conrads of the world – but even I know that slapping a 15% tax on goods isn't going to make anyone feel good about the global economy. It's like adding anchovies to ice cream, a decision that would cause anyone to say "Sweet zombie Jesus." One wonders if this is all part of a larger, more nefarious plan or simply the result of someone misplacing their medication.

Legally Permissible or Just Plain Perilous

The key phrase here is "legally permissible." Section 122 allows for temporary levies, with any extension needing congressional approval. Which, let's be honest, is about as likely as Zoidberg winning a Nobel Prize. The White House is silent. The markets are jittery. And I'm left wondering if I should invest in canned goods. After all, you never know when Bender might decide to start his own protectionist regime, demanding all the world's beer for himself.

State of the Union and State of Disunion

With the State of the Union address looming, one can only imagine the fireworks. Will Trump double down on his trade policies? Will Congress stage a collective intervention? Or will we all simply sit back and watch the world burn, fueled by the fires of protectionism. As I always say, I don't want to live on this planet anymore, and at this rate, I might not have to. The Earth might become uninhabitable.

A Word From Our Legal Observers

And as for the Supreme Court justices, including those "traitors" Gorsuch and Barrett, well, I say "Bah". Though their decision was expected, they will soon find themselves in the wrong end of a Plasma Rifle. Perhaps they could have taken this quote from me before agreeing to their ruling: "When will they ever learn that the key to happiness isn't money? It's… well, I forget. Anyway, tariffs are bad, m'kay?"