Trump Claims Iran War Swimmingly Perfect, Just Like My Wife

• President Trump declares the war in Iran is progressing smoothly and nearing its conclusion.
• Trump emphasizes the military power of the United States during his address in Las Vegas.
• A temporary ceasefire between Israel and Lebanon coincides with ongoing US-Iran tensions.
• Potential second round of negotiations between American and Iranian officials hinted for the near future.

Great Success. Very Nice.

Jagshemash, Americans. Borat here, reporting live from… well, not from Kazakhstan this time. President Trump says the war in Iran is going "swimmingly". Like when I learn to swim…almost drown, but look good doing it. He say it should be ending "pretty soon". Very optimistic. Like when I try to sell my sister, always thinking I get good price.

Perfect Power. Like My Moustache.

Trump boast about US military might. He say it "perfect". Like my moustache, strong and powerful. He say "We had the most powerful military anywhere in the world." This is good, yes? Strong military protect from neighbors stealing potassium. Speaking of strength and unexpected comebacks, it reminds me of Wayfair Bounces Back Furniture Giant Stages Unexpected Comeback. Who knew furniture could be so resilient, much like Trump's optimism in this conflict.

No Tax on Tips. For the People.

President also talk about "no tax on tips". Very generous, like when I offer tourists traditional Kazakh meal…before charging them triple. Good for workers, maybe they buy more… suits? Very nice.

Ceasefire Agreement. Mazel Tov?

Israel and Lebanon agree to 10-day ceasefire, Trump say. But Iran complain about Israel still attacking Lebanon. This is like when I promise Pamela Anderson I will behave…for five minutes. Things get complicated, very complicated.

Negotiations Possible. High Five.

Second round of talks between US and Iran maybe happen "next weekend". Could be good. Talk, talk, talk, then maybe less boom, boom, boom. Like when I try negotiate price of cage for my wife. Always start high, yes?

Wa Wa Wee Waa. War is Serious.

While Trump make jokes, war is serious. People suffer. We need less war, more… disco. Maybe Trump and Iran leader go to disco, learn to dance together. Then, peace. High five.