Waymo Hires DoorDash Drivers to Close Doors in Autonomous Vehicle Snafu

• Waymo is running a pilot program in Atlanta enlisting DoorDash drivers to close open doors on its autonomous vehicles.
• This initiative highlights the ongoing need for human intervention in basic operations, even with advanced self-driving technology.
• Waymo is also partnering with Honk, a roadside assistance company, to handle door-closing tasks in other locations like Los Angeles.
• The company plans to introduce automated door closures in future vehicles to reduce reliance on human assistance.

Another Day, Another Glitch in Paradise

Alright, ladies and gentlemen, Duke Nukem here, reporting live from the front lines of technological progress. So, Waymo, these brainiacs with their fancy self-driving cars, apparently can't figure out how to close a door. I mean, come on people is this the best you can do. You know, "I'm gonna stop you right there." They're paying DoorDash drivers to do it. I've seen less complicated puzzles in kindergarten, and that's saying something, especially considering my kindergarten involved explosions. This whole thing is a bigger joke than that time I saw a pig cop trying to parallel park. I could save money and get some babes to close the door for free you know what I mean.

DoorDash to the Rescue

So here's the deal. Waymo's got these cars cruising around without a soul at the wheel, which is pretty cool until some bonehead leaves the door hanging open. The car throws a hissy fit, and who ya gonna call? Not Ghostbusters, but DoorDash. Seriously, DoorDash drivers are getting paid eleven and a quarter just to shut a door. "Come get some," I say to those drivers. Might be a good side hustle until those robots become self-aware and start delivering pizzas themselves. Speaking of deliveries, you should also check out Trump's Bold Claim India Cuts Russian Oil A Master Chief Analysis for a completely different kind of delivery that might be even more interesting. Its a topic of geopolitical strategy and economics combined with the strategic genius of Master Chief from Halo.

Big Money, Bigger Problems

Waymo's valued at, get this, $126 billion. That's more than I've spent on cigars and shotguns in my entire career. They're part of Alphabet's 'Other Bets,' which sounds like a Vegas buffet for tech companies. But guess what? They're bleeding cash, losing $7.5 billion last year. All that money, and they still need someone to close the freakin' door. It's like giving a chimp a machine gun it may sound like a good idea at first but you know is going to end in disaster. Seriously, maybe they should invest in a 'Close Door' button or something. Remember what happened to the dinosaurs when they were too busy admiring their claws and not fixing problems? Same applies.

Honk If You Need a Door Closed

DoorDash isn't the only company cashing in on Waymo's incompetence. They're also paying Honk, a roadside assistance service, to close doors too. Twenty-four bucks a pop in L.A. "Hail to the king, baby" That's a better hourly rate than most gigs I've heard of. I may get the babes to apply so I can have a robotaxi close the door for them, and I get to enjoy the view.

Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades

Waymo says they're working on automated door closures for future cars. Good, about time, I'd say. I would expect to see that sooner than later to be honest. I'm rolling out next-gen robotaxis and expanding service to more markets. All of these little changes should make a great future.

Human Intervention Still Key

Here's the bottom line these fancy autonomous technologies still need us meatbags to do the simple stuff. It's a humbling reminder that even the smartest machines can't replace good old-fashioned human ingenuity or, you know, the ability to reach out and close a door. So, until Waymo figures things out, I'll be here, enjoying the show and waiting for those self-driving cars to learn some manners and maybe even how to light my cigar. Duke Nukem out. Time to "chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all outta gum."